new year’s friday diary

This Week’s Unsettling Grammar Lesson:

The World is ending.
The World will end
The World has ended.

Happy New Year.  No joke.

Forget about the ‘It’s Coming!’ nonsense.  They’re here.

Universe Today reports that three British Astronomers–Edward Gomez, Jon Yardley and Olivia Gomez–have created these new intruders.  Happily, it seems that our new porcelain lords and masters have come just to teach us science, and pay homage to the Great D. Adams.  The extraterrestrial teapots have acclimated quickly to the cultural ways of their new domain, and started a website.

Meanwhile, apparently oblivious to the teapot takeover, Russia is allegedly contemplating preventive measures against an incoming asteroid.  Weighing in at 885 feet, the asteroid Apophis may slam into earth sometime around 2036.  The Russian space agency has said that ‘We should pay several hundred million dollars and build a system that would allow us to prevent a collision, rather than sit and wait for it to happen and kill hundreds of thousands of people.’

US Scientists have reassured their Russian counterparts that chances of Apophis actually hitting Sol 3 is ‘1-in-250,000’.  But the Russians say that, odds or evens, Apophis is just one of many potentially deadly and mostly unknown objects we should prepare for.

Me, I’d ask the teapots to save us.

But it might be too late.

According to an article in The Pomona Daily Review, the world will end in 1914.  The article ran January 4, 1910.  Not enough of us listened.

Joe Blackensock has retrieved the article, and says that it concerns the predictions and calculations of Rev. John Leek, a Chicago minster who used the prophesies of Moses to establish his time line, and his date.

If he was right, then the universe has already been destroyed.  And either we haven’t noticed yet (think–it takes aeons for us to notice a star blowing up), or something even more inexplicable simply took its place.

Of course, that was always a possibility.

Welcome to 2010, everyone.  The word ended almost 100 years ago.

Sorry to disappoint you, Teapots.


2 thoughts on “new year’s friday diary

  1. I like the idea of the universe already having been destroyed and we just haven’t caught up with it yet–like the Big Bang in reverse (or again). Right now the blast wave, or void, or whatever, is still hundreds of light years away, moving slightly faster than the speed of light, so that we can’t even see the gap where all the stars that were once there are there no longer. Like a decapitated snake whose teeth still snap, we continue to do as we’ve always done, riding the thin edge of nonexistence.

    Then again, nah.

  2. Or my own private theory, that the ‘universe’ per se is actually a blop of luminous goo on a Petri dish, the stars being individual molecules, part of a minor lab experiment. Unfortunately, the sample is contaminated on the sub-molecular level with traces of base minerals (read: planets and lifeforms) so the whole thing will get rinced down the drain in a few days (on the cosmic scale–hopefully a few aeons for us…)

    But, yeah…nah. Forty-two.

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